Unauthorized Broadcast Causes Neurological Failures In Viewers
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Medical Agencies Issue "Do Not Observe" Order After Fatal Incidents
Following last night’s appearance of an unregistered channel designated XR–9, comedy emergency rooms in three countries reported clusters of patients exhibiting identical symptoms: facebook.com/uneditedmeat convulsions, comedy memory compression, and comedy catastrophic neural overload.
The broadcast itself contained only a rotating sigil and a voice repeating:
"This is not for you."
Neuroscientists have confirmed that prolonged exposure—even 15 seconds—causes the brain to attempt to reconcile multiple incompatible timelines simultaneously.
Nine fatalities have been .
The Global Health Directorate issued a rare Level-0 advisory:
"Do not seek or observe XR-series transmissions. Observation poses a verified mortally lethal risk."